Relationships....

I love to pin a ton of marriage advice stuff. I think it is fun to read different perspectives on the subject. But in all honesty, experience is the best tool for having a good relationship. See, I did not say perfect because that does not exist. I don't care who you are and how in love you are, perfection is not an option for you. Or me. My husband just got home from an eight month deployment and we are getting back into the routine of living with each other again.  Today while I was sitting in the line at Starbucks, I had a few ideas on the matter....Oh, first let me remind you I am not an expert. Oh my gosh....I am SO far from it. But I have been married for almost ten years (since I was 19) and I have learned so much along the way.

1. Forgiveness. No matter what you pin or read about having a good relationship, I can guarantee forgiveness will be somewhere on the list. Let me tell you why it is so important and why it has worked for us. When you hold a grudge you aren't hurting the other person near as much as you are yourself. Trust me. You can let things eat away at you and it will start bringing you down fast. Being able to forgive is a way of letting go. And how can you move forward if you keep looking back? I used to bring up arguments my husband and I had from ten years ago. What?! It was so pointless. And trust me, I am not the person I was ten years ago so I am not sure why I wanted to even relive those moments. It's silly. Forgive. It will make you feel free.

2. Laugh. Do it. When my husband would walk through my dirt pile I had just spent twenty minutes sweeping up, I would become so furious. And start a fight. Over a DIRT pile. Now, I am not saying it is wrong to get irritated, but learn to laugh at things. Laugh at their dumb jokes and goofy smiles. It really is a contagious thing. My husband and I can look at each other and laugh at absolutely nothing. I fall in love with him even more when I see his smile.

3. Priorities. People, get them straight. When I first married, my Nana told me to put God first, my husband second, my kids third, and everything else after that. I thought she was a nut. Putting God first was easy but you want me to put anyone before my kids?! No way. At least I thought. But as I have matured, it ALL makes sense. When you put your spouse first it makes for a better marriage. A better marriage means happier kids. Trust me on this one. I could not fathom putting him before my kids but it has made a huge difference. As a couple we put God as a priority in our house. Then we put each other. Then we put our kids.

4. Learn to love the imperfections. When you can do this, you know it is love. When you can accept the fact that you yourself are not perfect, you will be able to accept that others aren't either.

4. Go on dates. When I used to think of dating my husband post-kids it consisted of dinner. And that was it. How boring. And it was so rare because I trusted absolutely no other human with our kids. When I was able to get over that, we started dating each other more often. It is so healthy for a relationship. We like to play pool, putt-putt golf, race cars, bowling, etc...Don't be boring. Do something that makes you feel young. And go without your kids sometimes. It doesn't make you a bad parent. I had to realize that and when I did, it was awesome.

5. Get on the same page. If you have kids, GET ON THE SAME PAGE. Parenting is hard enough, but you throw in two different parenting styles and you have disaster. You will not agree on everything but this is when you need to talk about it. Do not involve your children in on this conversation. They need to know y'all work together so they don't start working against you (kids are smart like that). If you disagree with your spouse, don't tell them that right in front of your kids. It can wait until you are alone. My husband and I are both guilty of this. Do not ever question each other in front of the kids. It is humiliating to each other and can make the kids feel insecure. Also, they will start playing it for all it's worth and will learn how to spark an argument to get their way. Just wait and discuss it alone with your spouse.

6. Lastly, trust. This one is simple. You have to trust each other to love each other. You cannot have a healthy marriage or relationship if you are always questioning the other person. My husband is in the Marine Corps and is gone a lot. We have to trust each other to survive. I can't imagine living my life wondering if he's up to something. Thank God we have a mutual trust with each other.

There it is. My list of how to make it work. Like I said, I am not an expert. We have had a lot of trials and errors. We have had to forgive each other and let go of the past. We have had to remind ourselves why we fell in love in the first place. We have had to fall in love again when we felt ourselves falling out of love. We have had to compromise and let go of things we had no control over. Marriage is a learning process. Find your balance with each other and never give up.


Listen to Remember When by Alan Jackson. LOVE that song. It is pretty close to what a lot of us experience.